The Day I Ate Dog Food

Most of you don’t know, but I went to school for Veterinary Technician. I attended MATC in Madison, WI. After graduating from the program, I took my state certification test and became a Certified Veterinary Technician. As part of one of our courses, we studied a section on animal nutrition. Professor Kaye invited a Hill’s Science Diet Nutritionist to come and give us a lecture on animal nutrition.  Following the lecture, there would be samples for us to try. It was the day I ate dog food.

Samples? Did she just say samples?

Yes, I heard that right, because the rest of the girls in the class were looking around to see if that word “sample” was registering with anyone else. We were all going to have to eat dog food. Oh my! Professor Kaye nodded to the class. It was if she was reassuring us that yes- yes there would be samples to give to you poor and hungry college students. My brain was stuck in a loop of asking and re-asking “Are we really going to eat dog food?” “Are we really going to eat dog food?” “Are we really going to eat dog food?”

I’ve got a bone to pick with you

Sometimes when one is dreading an event, one tends to place it far from their consciousness. And then when you can no longer consciously put it out of your mind, it happens. The dreaded event arrives and you are stuck dealing with reality. We filed into the lecture hall silently. There was a “green around the gills” look on just about everyone’s face. Of course, you had your “tougher- than nails- show- boaters” who relished the thought of the bragging rights to having eaten dog food, but I was not one of those. No sir! The lecture was interesting and the speaker was entertaining. I was feverishly taking notes and trying to think of an intelligent question to ask, as it was part of my grade for participating. With my question formulated I listened on. Hill’s Science Diet was no fool. We were putty in their hands. All of us were ready to graduate and go out into practices throughout the state. What easier way to influence veterinary practices than to have armed burgeoning new technicians with their wonderful information! Genius move on Hill’s Science Diet part! -Side note- I really like Hill’s Science Diet. It’s a great product and I have used it on all my pets!

What you talkin’ about Willis?

I could tell the lecture was winding down because the speaker began to reach into bags on the table and slowly set out cans of dog and cat food as well as small bags of kibble. I swallowed hard… here it comes, the moment of truth.  The speaker smiled as she opened bags and cans. Setting out her display like a smorgasbord. Professor Kaye with all grace and decorum stepped up to the line and carefully chose the items for her plate. With a smile, she turned around and gestured to the students. It was now our turn to come through the line.

Every which way but loose

It is a well-known fact that women use bathrooms in groups. So I decided that we would apply this to today’s adventure. That way if I need assistance getting to the bathroom I was well prepared. Like the benediction at church, somberly my table rose, said our personal prayers and headed for the table. Single file each of us grabbed a plate and a napkin. I smiled at the speaker and quickly scanned the table looking for something, ANYTHING that looked remotely edible. There. Dog biscuits. What luck! I quickly grabbed one and set it on my plate. Hmm. Now, what else should I choose? Then it hit my nose, the smell of Sunday dinner. Where was that coming from? I carefully sniffed around the table and found a can of Canine c/d. Ok, well… here we go, and I took a small scoop. Finished! I had my two items.

Dog-gone good

We all sat down and stared blankly at our plates. Who was going to go first? With a shrug, the gal next to me picked up an item and took a bite. We all held our breath. “Well?” said someone. “It’s not bad.” was the reply. That was all the courage I needed.  I grab my dog biscuit and took a bite. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Hmm. Well… it has a beefy flavor. A little grainy. I can taste milk, maybe? Okay, now for a scoop of canned dog food. Smells good,open wide Michele. Eww, it’s cold. A silent moment of deciding if this is going to go down or will it be going out? Just then my tongue found a piece of rice and I could detect a chicken flavor. Not so bad. A little more chewing and a swallow. It was done. My tongue was dry and so was my mouth. With no complimentary bowls of water to lap at the table, I was now wishing I could have a strawberry margarita. That would be refreshing.

Making the grade

Closing the lecture event we handed in our questions to Professor Kaye and were dismissed. I made my way through the college campus and exited to the parking lot. I chuckled to myself. Maybe I will turn into a Golden Retriever.  Then I could hand my head out the window and bark at bad drivers on highway 151. When I get back to my apartment I sure hope my roommate will give me a good scratch and some extra kibble.  I was a good girl today. I ate dog food.