Changes

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I experienced many changes in the last 10 years of my life. For seven years, those changes were hard and sometimes shocking. Some changes were hurtful. However, other changes, though initially disruptive, became welcome additions. Can you relate?

The hole

Recently, my friend and co-blogger Mandy, lost her husband to cancer. His death has left an enormous hole in her life and the changes were immediate. Though the death of someone we love is probably one of the biggest “changes” we will experience, it doesn’t mean the death of what we have left to love and enjoy.

This may seem hard a calloused. I, too, have lost people I loved. My college friend and my mom died 10 days apart, followed by my sister’s death 5 months later. That was a very hard year and brought many changes to my life routines.

Willing to forge ahead

One of the striking realities is that the rest of the world continues on normally while you, experiencing a significant loss of someone you loved, now have to adjust to life without that person. No more phone calls or texts. No stopping by and visiting, laughing, reminiscing or leaning upon one another for support. Instantly it’s gone.

I made up my mind that I need to see each person passing as a sad but normal part of living life on earth. It’s going to happen. Then, I had to find reasons to rejoice in their passing from this earth into eternity. This was easy to do as all the people I lost were suffering; One from cancer, another had Alzheimer’s, and another had a stroke that left her paralyzed. She chose to not seek surgery and let nature take its course.

You quickly realize you either choose to live on, or you’re going to die with them. Truth be told, I’m sure they’d tell you to keep living. They wouldn’t want your sadness and feelings of loneliness, because of their death, to destroy living.

The choice

Grieving helps you make choices to move forward. If I hadn’t grieved well, I wouldn’t be here writing this to you. And, make no mistake, you will always grieve, just not at the raw intensity you are now. You will be okay. It gets better. You learn to live life without that person and celebrate their memory and honor them by living. They’d want you to do that.

Everyone has their own grieving schedule. Relationships are trickly, especially for family, and your parents. I always try to keep excellent accounts with friends and family, but it doesn’t mean I have always kept clean accounts. Sometimes, as with my sister, we ran out of time. In a sense, that does trouble me a bit, but I know Jesus knew our situation, and I know she is in heaven where it doesn’t matter anymore—God has rectified everything.

I hope this is of encouragement to someone limping along in their grief. You are braver than you think. -M